Exploring Minimalism? Start with your Boundaries.
If you’re just starting to dip your toe into minimalism, boundaries are a great place to start. If you’re looking to take your minimalism to the next level, boundaries are a great place to explore.
In its lowest form, minimalism is simply the practice of owning as few physical items as possible.
At its best, minimalism is about intentionally creating space for ease and joy. Making room in your life to enjoy the people and experiences dearest to you on a regular basis.
Yes, physical space is certainly part of the picture. And equally important are the spaces of your time, energy, and emotions — all of which are supported by setting artful boundaries.
Here are a few boundaries to consider throughout your minimalism journey:
How will you deal with gifts?
Let’s start with the obvious first. Minimalism has quite a bit to do with physical things, so having a way of dealing with potential gifts is an obvious boundary to consider.
Will you let folks know in advance of your policy? Please, no gifts for my birthday/anniversary/Christmas this year. I’d much rather spend some time over tea or hiking. Here’s a link to my calendar to schedule!
or maybe: While I adore receiving gifts, I’m only able to accept consumable items or experiences at this time!
Will you turn down unexpected gifts? Ohmygosh, thank you so much for thinking of me! I really appreciate the gesture, but I’m not excepting gifts right now.
Will you take whatever’s given and pass it along to a buy nothing group or charity?
Remember: there are no wrong answers here. This gets ever more complex depending on whether you’ve got kids, extended family dynamics, and the quality of your relationships overall. Try out some different strategies throughout the year, and with different people. There may be some folks in your life who insist on giving you things even after you’ve asked them not to — if these items are unwanted, donate them guilt free!
On the other hand, what kinds of gifts will you give, if any? Movie tickets? Special coffees or chocolates? Flowers? Baked goods? Practical items exclusively? Candles?
Because we keep chickens and a fairly extensive garden, for local friends I typically bring them produce or eggs as a gift. Occasionally I’ll gift a bottle of wine, or another treasured food item. For a while I was making vanilla extract or cordials from scratch and gifting that around the holidays. Someone recently married was given a fresh sourdough starter in the perfect counter-sized crock.
It’s lovely to not only set an example of how to set boundaries around receiving gifts, but also of gifting in ways that don’t clutter up your loved ones’ physical and mental space. (If you’re looking for more ideas on clutter-free gifts, Julia Williamson of Unburdened Life is a stellar resource.)
What are the parts of your day/life you’d like to protect?
What are the parts of your day, that you’d really like to be untouchable by the outside world? For me, it’s my morning and evening routines. Getting out of bed and sipping Dolgona or cold brew coffee while journaling, then reading for my personal life, reading something technical in my field, and having a few minutes of quiet meditation. Getting back into bed and reading something light or listening to music while I hang out with my husband.
For some folks it’s their exercise time.
Others make lunchtime with a friend sacrosanct.
Meanwhile still others make sure dinner is a protected family time.
Minimalism is all about cutting out the extraneous so that you can enjoy these times you want to enjoy, in the way you’d most like to enjoy them.
SO — what boundaries do you need to start to put in place to protect these sacred mundane moments?
Phones away? No meetings after 4:00PM so you can be home by 6? ‘Do Not Disturb’ turns on automatically at 7PM so you can be fully relaxed and in bed by 8:30PM? Declining being on yet another committee so you can get your runs in?
Remember: NO ONE CAN DO IT ALL. If you say yes to one thing, you’re automatically and by default saying no to something else. You may as well say no on purpose so you can say yes to what matters most to you.
Where are you expending excess energy?
We’re a culture of tapped out, fatigued folks. For many reasons, of course, some of which are worldwide, others peculiar to our lifestyle and/or physiology.
Some folks can handle working for 12 hours a day and still have energy for a 2 hour workout before they get home for dinner.
Others of us would really do better with a 6 hour workday and a siesta. (You can learn more about how to tell which type you are here).
The point is that what’s ‘excess’ energy for me may just be a regular Tuesday for you.
Flags to look out for in this arena include things like:
Who do you dread interacting with, because they make you feel drained?
What tasks take it out of you?
What’s different on days when you feel energized and engaged vs drained.
Where does procrastination show up?
When you engage with media, do you walk away feeling emotionally soothed and buoyed up or jagged and crashing down?
An example: I’m part of several group chats. Some for work, some are personal friend groups, and there are fractured family chats here and there. It’s exhausting for me to get unfettered notifications, whether audio or visual. Partially because it takes me out of whatever I’m trying to focus on, and partially because I’m a hermit at heart and my interpersonal energy expenditure comes at a premium. SO — I mute them all. I receive zero notifications from my group chats. Not from Whatsapp, not from my text message app, not from Instagram… nope nope nope.
What this then allows me to do is check them on purpose. Usually, about 3 times a week, I’ll logon to whatever platform and catch myself up on what’s going on.
Do I miss a few things? Yep.
Are any of them life changing-ly important? Not even close.
Furthermore, I find that when folks need something specifically from ME, they message me directly or give me a call. Simple. Easy. Energy saved.
(Want more on tech boundaries? Read this.)
What routines do you have or lack?
When it comes to minimalism and boundaries, routines are absolutely everything.
Our lives are built on our habits, and routines are simply stacks of habits.
If your morning routine involves scrolling social for 20 minutes before you stumble out of bed and into the shower, then out the door for work at the mercy of the world… well, the fact is that instead of being able to be intentional about your time, space, and energy, you’re in a reactive state.
What habits and routines set you up for being able to call the shots in your own life? Or at least, allow you to be more intentional about who and what you engage with, and when?
If you’re working to improve your marriage, a routine of coming into the house and putting your phone away to charge in an out of sight place will yield far more positive results than setting your phone on the table during dinner.
If you’re working on your fitness, a routine of putting on your work clothes before you leave the office (or right when you sign off of Zoom) will yield wildly different results than stopping off at happy hour or hitting the bar cart in your kitchen.
Minimalism is about clearing the space around your values, so that your life can grow and flourish in the ways you cherish.
Even if your cabinets are spare and your surfaces are cleared, I venture your quality of life is not greatly improved unless you’re also making the mental, emotional, and chronological space to do things that matter to you.